Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
