he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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