I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
