Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize