4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
