She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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