The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
