The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
