what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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