dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
