singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
