I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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