it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
