dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
