You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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