I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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