When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
