I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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