apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
