good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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