I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
