by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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