You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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