she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
