you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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