I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
