GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
