go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
