"it" just moved
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize