Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
