Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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