Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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