You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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