That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
