I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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