I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
