I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we have pet lesbian snakes
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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