i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
