Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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