So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
