she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
