I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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