I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
