Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
