Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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