"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
