My cat gives me a boner
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
