Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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