so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
