fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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