My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
