Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
