She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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