I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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