just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
3 2 1 whiskey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
