His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
