walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
