She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize