ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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