after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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