I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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