Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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