It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
