Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
