Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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